Sex,lies and a Whole lot of state alchemist!
by Dark girl and Hiei's Girl
Summary: Lemons, crazy situations, and a plot line is just some of the things that happen When Roy gets a new person added to his gang and she will ether drive him wild or drive him insane Roy oc Ed RoseRomanceHumordrama ACTION!


DG: Hello welcome to my greatest fic yet (yeh I know I have to many going at once but hey I will get them all done…eventually… if I stay out of trouble long enough hehe) this fic is a Crossover…

Roy: it is a Full metal alchemist/ Hellsing / guess (This is going to occur in current times not the 20's but every thing else is the same)

DG: don't worry about not knowing the characters because they will me explained as the story plays through!

Need to know:

Hellsing: This is a demon killing organization that works with the military, it was started by a man name Van hellsing and his demon killing techniques have been passed down from generation to generation. (It is only a little smaller then the military). The currant leader of Hellsing is the great great ECT grand daughter of Van Hellsing: Integra Hellsing (other wise known as Sir Integra) it is also the only other organization that can grant the rank of State alchemist to someone but you have to be called upon by them (only one has ever passed their test). Its also known as the silver knights

Black Chapel (I made this up): Is an evil organization, basically they want to destroy man kind to create a world for the Homunculus.( Their with Dante') ( homunculus )

Millennium: um this is from hellsing XD their Nazi vampires'. Their a army of them and they want to DESTROY THE WORLD…of course…don't all evil people? Only difference is their leader is a large fat man named Major Montana max (his leader is a mysterious man (I took from yu-gi-oh) Named Bakura who has something to do with Roy) don't let the funny sounding bio fool you these guys are BAD and they seem to be Dante's enemy?

Ok start story now

DG: ok disclaimer and credit I don't own Full metal alchemist or hellsing if I did I'D BE FRICKEN RICH, credit to the book I read that inspired me " Sex lies and Vampires" and last but not lest Credit to Elton John.. Why? Because I can

Chrno: WARNING this fic is rated RRRRRRR! Because DG seems incapable to write any thing else, plus this fic WILL contain Sex, violence, Blood, guts, weird old men, weird young men… AND ROY MUSTANG! BLAH !

Dg: … don't diss my fav guy: whack:

Chrno: TT ow… p.s (MAJOR SPOILERS!) In addition, this is a Roy mustang/ OC! And Ed/ Rose (also rated r)

**_WARNING:_** This fic is going to be EXTREMELY violent, will contain detailed umm well adult situations and **_will offend a lot of people but hey that's what we are going for!_** PLUS random EXCEL SAGA( I DON'T OWN) people will pop up for comic relief, it will be dramatic, gory, and it will spoil the ending of Full metal alchemist so

if you haven't already watched the show all the way through DON'T READ THIS!

if you don't like blood DON'T READ THIS

If you don't like the over use of the words FORGETABOUTIT or FIGAGITBLE! DON'T READ THIS!

If you hate Roy mustang……DON'T READ THIS

And if you have ever wanted to smack Brigadier general Groan into the dismal deeps of horrible acting, Hollywood made, cell shaded hell that is death then You my friend SHOULD READ THIS FIC because you are a smart person. START FICY!

_**The punishment for those who commit a taboo are harsh, for three little children this punishment is hell in it self.** _

_**The stage is set..**_

_**The plan is in motion…**_

_**The ticking of the clock will start as… **_

_**As destiny unravels one, last time………….**_

_**The screaming of the dead will be loud as judgment day arrives, This IS HELL**_

**T**hese words where spoken at the orphanage of frozen time (Seventh Bell), the person speaking these words was an odd looking demon. He wore a light brown pointy hat he was as tall as 12 year old, he was covered in fur; In fact, to be honest he was a calico cat wearing human clothing. He purred looking at the petrified children, _" Silence you will not be forever young ones, it is time for fate to take course and life shall be given back to you" _he said in a ruff voice. With that, he took some dust out of his pocket; through it in the air. It sparkled bright and then flashed; he jumped into that flash and with that he was gone.

**Chapter One:**

**_The Cat woman Angel of death_**

"_COLONEL MUSTANG! We have got a letter from central!" _yelled Havoc running into the room panting _" Its…urgent. "_ he said handing the letter to Roy who looked at it with a puzzled glance. _" What dose it say Colonel?"_ Riza asked looking over his shoulder _" WHAT THE HELL!"_ he screamed crumbling the paper and throwing it across the room thus causing every one in its path to dash away. _"… Co…. Colonel?" _whimpered Feury who had slipped underneath a nearby desk. _"We're… going …to central.. Right. Now." _ He said gritting his teeth then slamming his fist on the desk causing everyone to jump again. Then he got up and stomped out of the room mumbling something about he did not like being used as a babysitter. They all glanced at each other with a confused look. Riza picked up the note _".. Oh…no wonder he's mad…"_

" _YOU DID IT AGAIN! ANGEL! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!" _a young girl yelled who was sitting behind a desk with a large cigar in her mouth. _" Yup I sure did Integra I fucked it up again"_ anther girl said as a long black hair fell upon her face. She brushed it away with her slender hand; it fell back onto the leather outfit she was wearing. Integra glared then through her cigar at Angel. _" IDIOT" _she yelled in rage as Angel through her blue-eyed head back and laughed. _"_I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU CRASHED YOUR LEXUS INTO **CENTRAL**!" Integra yelled and her own blond bangs got in the way of her vision. She brushed them away angrily to glare more clearly at Angel. Her large blue eyes stared care free back into Integra's angry ones. She put her hands on her slender hips _" Well I could not help it, that damn vampire blew out my tire! And you might want to talk to Washou about the" Gadgets" she put on that vehicle because none of them worked"_ Angel said sitting down in a chair near the desk.

Integra was about to say something else but Angel just walked out of the room her long cattail swishing behind her _" HEY WHAT I AM NOT FINISHED WITH YOU YET"_ Integra yelled _" well I AM done so if you need me I will be in my office!" _Angel said with a yawn and headed down the hallway _" GAHH DETECTIVE! ARRhh what am I going to do with that child!." _Integra muttered taking out some papers that where sent to her from the military. _" Eh? Hrrmm it is from Fuhrer"_

The door to Angel's office opened as she walked in _" Ahh good to be home! "_ she said walking over to her cluttered desk _"…crap I forgot to put these case files up!" _she said as she started to file through them. After an hour of filing, she fell asleep reading a book. A young girl with short blond hair and red eye's entered the room holding some papers _" Umm Angel? …Angel….. Angel…. ANGEL !" _She yelled into Angels ear. _" ACK!"_ Angel jumped up and took a fighting stance _" DON'T DO THAT CERES! "_ Angel yelled at the girl _" Sir Integra sent me in here to give ya your next case!" _ She said handing Angel some papers. _" Wha? …That bitch"_ Angel reads the paper_ " Hrmm a serial murder who they suspect to be a vampire is in central city.. Oh, crap I just got back from there! Dang.. Well fine Ceres have Walter pack my things while I restock on weapons! "_ She said walking off _" Yes Ma'am"_ Ceres said running off to tell Walter.

A few hours later she was on her motorcycle following the road back to central, it was a four-hour drive. She finally made it to a nearby hotel owned by the military and checked in. After entering her hotel room, she sat down in a chair and looked out the window. There four men and one blond haired woman getting out of a car that was parked across the street, all were dressed in officer uniform. She yawned then turned her head to her things, she began to unpack an odd looking gun with a cross on it, a few vials of water and a state alchemist's watch. She put the watch in her pocket then armed herself with the other things she had laid out. _" Well now its time to party"_ she said climbing out the window of the hotel room then heading down the street to where the paper said the vampire was last seen. She had well disguised her cat ears and tail so that no one saw that she was not human.

" _Colonel … where are we going now?"_ Havoc whined as they entered a nearby alleyway. _" We have to meet a agent from Hellsing who is suppose to be here…"_ mumbled Roy as he continued to walk down the alleyway _" What for?"_ asked Havoc. _" Shut up and just come on.."_ Roy mumbled as they reached the end of the alleyway. Across from where the alley way ended was an old brunt out house; the house was two stories high, the shutters where broken and where some windows. It had an eerie feel too it; no light shined through the windows of the house and no car was parked in front of it so Havoc had come to the conclusion that no one lived there.; or so he thought. _" Err so um where do we go from here colonel? "_ Havoc asked trying not to think of the coldness, he felt when they were near that spooky old house. _" This alley way is the last place where a murder occurred by the criminal that calls himself a vampire, he kills his victims by first draining them of their blood and he has been attacking military officers" _Roy said closing his eyes then leaning on the wall. Every one else stopped anything they where doing _" Va.. Va.. VAMPIRE?" _Feury, Havoc and Breda screamed in unison

" _He calls himself a vampire but GROWN men don't believe in such things"_ Roy said then he noticed a small drop of water hit his nose then followed by a few more coming down from the sky. _" Damn! Its starting to rain alright men head towards that old house, we will wait out the storm there"_ Roy said buttoning up his over coat as he started to walk toward the house with seemingly no fear what's so ever. Feury, Breda and Havoc exchanged worried glances' then followed the colonel with hesitation. Roy walked up to the door and then simply pushed it open, he walked in. The room was dark; there was an indescribable chill in the air, as Roy walked deeper into the living room of the house he noticed that the floorboards squeaked. He started to wonder if the surface that was supporting his weight was reliable. However, before he thought any more the rest of the group slowly walked into the house.

" _Spooky." _ Havoc commented as he walked in

" _Nonsense you fool there is nothing spooky about this place' _Roy grunted then dusted off an old broken coach _" Odd. This place is in the ghetto yet there are still valuables left in here "_ Roy said noticing the various paintings on the wall and the old furniture and living room that looks as if it has no been touched since who ever lived there and gone. _" Maybe because its Haunted?"_ Havoc said making a scary face cause Feury and Breda to finch _" HAUNTED! AH! COLONEL I WANT TO GO HOME PLEASE CAN I GO HOME?" _Breda begged then attached him self to Mustangs leg. Roy glared then tried to get him off by shaking his leg but Breda was not about to let go. _" I ORDER YOU TO LET GO OF ME! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS GHOST THERE ALL IN YOUR HEAD!"_ Roy yelled the finally flung Breda off his leg and onto a nearby wall. _" Alright men to prove to you that this house is not haunted WE will explore it!"_ Roy said walking off into the shadows.

Angel walked to the alleyway; by this time the rain had started to pour but the vampires, scent was still fresh. She sniffed the air _" This scent is to fresh to be a two days old" _She muttered glancing at the old house _" Of course that would explain the fresh scent! So he's there lets go Umbrion" _ she said as a small black two tailed cat come out from the shadows. The cats' eyes where blood red with gold pupils its body was pure black. Angel cocked her gun then walked towards the house with a grin _" This should be fun!" _ She said as she walked around to the back of the house then quietly entered through the back door. The house smelled musky; she noticed a staircase leading down into a basement of some kind. She sniffed the air "_ Hiding in the basement are you? Hah that won't do you any good," _she said smiling then running down the stairs._  
_

Roy lead them down the hall way; The only light was a small flame on the end of Roy's pointer finger that he skillfully kept under control. Feury walked right behind Roy and Riza walked right beside him. Then something caught Feury's eye; it was a candleholder sticking out of the wall. Roy stopped and lighted all the candles he could find; Fuery poked the candleholder it moved and he jumped. Because nothing happened, he relaxed; he started to walk off and then his foot got caught in the rug thus tripping him. He landed so hard that he knocked the candleholder off the wall. The others cam running to see what was going on they started to laugh at him. He picked up his glasses and started to get up but as soon as he did the floor underneath every one clasped thus sending then crashing into the hard basement floor. Roy rubbed his head then slowly picked himself off the ground, muttering something obscene he got up. The others got up as well rubbing various parts of their bodies. But then Roy heard something behind him, he turned around to quickly to notice that his foot was stuck under some wood so he wound up going face first into something vary soft and warm.

Dg: MUAHAHAHA CLIFF HANGER!

Roy: HEY, THAT IS EVIL! ..what did i land in…..wait a min.. OO;; ; I think I like this story

DG: perv…. Any way feel free to send in questions to the cast members or to the people I just make up or to The Excel saga people! Because I will make them answer in the before chapter rants! If you have any questions to ask me feel free and unlike other fics we welcome hate mail! Because we will put your hate mail right here on the fic and make fun of it for our on pleasure because we're sick basterds! BYE SEE YA NEXT CHAPTER!


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